poof edited

poof, edited version.

Please head over to this link to read the finished chapter.

 

Being born with long legs certainly comes with its perks… And quirks. Although the comments from people asking if I play basketball or “how’s the weather up there?” get dull pretty quickly, there is one specific issue I’ve been dealing with. It’s sometimes hard to overcome, too. Well, not overcome, in a sense. I can’t control my height, unfortunately. But when you’re in a family that has the tradition of giving hand-me-downs instead of going to a store once or twice to buy your son a new pair of pants, jeans, or whatever trousers, they can get small on them pretty quickly. And there’s nothing that I hate more than short pants.

I jump, pulling up and adjusting the waistband of the jersey shorts Peter lent me as I catch sight of my own reflection in the mirror. Just by merely shifting my pupils to the right, I can see the owner of said pants sitting on my bed, slouching, and the palms of his hands resting on a pile of my crumpled clothes that are supposed to be in the laundry hamper.

Peter’s eyes were… Looking tired than usual–eyelids hanging low. But that doesn’t mean he’s exhausted; he’s unimpressed. “Don’t pull it up, you’re just making it even shorter on you-”

Why is this so short?” I blurt out, initially supposed to be kept inside my head that escaped.

“‘Cause it’s shorts, dumbass. It’s supposed to be short.”

My eyes took one last careful look at the jersey shorts on my legs. The way the fabric hugged my thighs above the knee makes my leg unbreathable, in a way. If I take no more than one step, it will ride up until it reaches my crotch, and I’ve had enough of that embarrassing moment.

“But this is too short,” I said, jumping up and down to test it. The fabric is already racing up to my crotch. “If I knew your shorts were this short, I wouldn’t even ask to borrow yours from the start.”

“Will you just-” Peter took a sharp breath between his gritted teeth. “Can you just put it on for now and like, what, wrap a jacket around or something? We’re getting late.”

He stood up with so much energy that he immediately marched around the room with his head swiveling left to right. He skips over a few comic books I left on the floor, masterfully dodging the controllers a few feet away from the comics, and goes ahead to the corner of my room to dig into my pile of dirty laundry. He is already too familiar with the layout of my room that it has become second nature to him.

When Peter is still determined to get that jacket he mentioned, I quickly remove the jersey shorts before swiftly changing into my sweatpants that were just hanging on the edge of my bed. 

“Or can we just skip this one game? Just for once?”

Peter finally turned around, not a jacket in his hands in sight. Maybe he gave up, or the thought of cancelling tonight’s game riled him up so bad, he stopped. “Mason.” He tilts his head, followed by an exasperated scoff. “Come on. We never skip one game. You really gonna let our streak die that easily?”

When do I tell him that I’m not as interested in basketball as he is? I know he’s not the type to associate me with being tall = plays/genuinely adores basketball, but he has to understand that dragging me into these games every month slowly makes me want to run off into the woods instead. But now’s not the time. Peter was getting antsy as the time passed without us heading into the town’s field. I know it on the top of my head now. He’s tapping his feet like a restless bunny, arms crossed tightly against his chest, and his eyes stare off into the distance into… Godknowswhere.

I sighed. “Right. Let’s just go.”

Peter’s eyes lit up, and in a second, he was already out of my room.

 

˖  ݁𖥔.☁︎.𖥔 ݁ ˖

 

I followed behind, jumping out of my open windows without bothering to close them. I’ll be back in a few hours, anyway. The biting breeze gnaws my skin, reminding me that fall is approaching. The neighborhood is getting quiet, too; it always happens when autumn or winter is near. People don’t get as much out because the sun isn’t there, and it’s too cold to read at the park or walk your dog. Looking forward, Peter is already further away from me. He made it across the backyard and hopped over the high wooden fence. Judging by the sound of his landing, he made it safely.

“Come on, Mason!” he shouted, as the shuffling of his feet against the grass was heard.

Rushing over through the backyard, I arrived before the wooden fence, immediately jumping up to grip the edge, hopping over. Thump. It was a lengthy landing, but a safe one. Hopping over the fence for years to sneak out and eat burgers with Peter has made me accustomed to the high landing; it’s all muscle memory. Even Peter has it on muscle memory, too.

The town’s basketball field is no more than one block away from ours, so Peter is already dragging his ass as fast as he can to get there before the game starts. I took some time in my strides, looking left and right to see that the houses looked less colored than I remembered. Is it just because the cold season is around the corner? Although the houses don’t look as bright as it was in the summer, warm lights are visible through their windows. In some houses, I can see their shadows or the silhouette of their figures. Passing by Mrs. Grossman’s house, a swift of chocolate chip cookies passes by as I see her slouched figure carrying a tray from her closed curtains. Skipping faster, to catch up to Peter, a pizza delivery guy just dropped a box in front of Bill’s door; his father’s silhouette is sitting on the couch, probably watching TV. It’s impressive how you can witness the routines of individual lives just by peeking through their closed curtains.

And just like that, the sound of cheering gradually grew clear… We are near.

I speed up my pace until I can see the field.

The crowd soars. Every seat in the bleachers was littered with people shouting and jumping. It was weird to see such a small field filled with townspeople I would come across any other day. There’s Todd in the far corner, but he’s not driving his daughter to school. There’s McKenzie in the bottom seat, but she’s not doing random cartwheels in the street while her nanny watches (and worries). There’s also Suzie in the middle, but she’s surprisingly not knitting her half-finished sweater now. Then there’s… An empty seat. Two empty seats.

“Let’s go, buddy-o.” Peter clawed my arm, pulling my feet off my glued position as he took me to our now designated seats.

 

˖  ݁𖥔.☁︎.𖥔 ݁ ˖

 

The game was fine, to say the least. It always has been. There’s nothing much to say about it. People just love to see their friends or their children running around in a field, passing a ball to each other, and trying to throw it in a ring. At least Peter didn’t get any more antsy, even though we were a tad late. But I’ll get what I can have.

People rise from their seats, some coming down to hype or congratulate the players, while others immediately walk home. Peter and I stayed in our seats for a while to let the crowd thin out.

Silence stretches between us, a rare occasion for us chatterboxes. Usually, Peter would be the one to initiate the conversation, but he was being awfully quiet tonight. It was weird, considering he was just cheering and jumping throughout the whole game.

“Good game, huh?” Peter finally spoke up. Although judging from his tone, it doesn’t radiate so much of Peter-energy.

I face his direction, reading his face. Yeah, this is only small talk. “Yeah. Good game.”

Another few seconds of stillness.

“Is there something you wanna tell me?” I asked.

His face contorts. “No.” Liar.

I kept quiet for a moment, letting him contemplate his thoughts. “Pete?…”

A gentle scoff. “Fine. You wanna go grab a bite? I’m starving.”

My brows meet together out of habit; they always do whenever Peter says something too obvious or borderline stupid. “Why didn’t you just say so earlier?”

“‘Cuz I know I already ruined your mood by dragging you into this game. I know you just wanna crash in your bed now.”

I blinked. “You’re not wrong,” I said. “Fine. What about tomorrow?”

“Sure. We can have breakfast.”

“No, I’m totally sleeping in. Brunch?”

Peter scoffed, almost too dramatically. “Who are we, Mrs. Grossman and her friends? Let’s just get lunch.”

“Asshole. Being Mrs. Grossman’s friend and having brunch with her doesn’t sound so bad, y’know.”

 

˖  ݁𖥔.☁︎.𖥔 ݁ ˖

 

The walk back to our houses is now more composed and collected, but there was still a rush that goes into it, at least for Peter. Or maybe he’s just a fast walker overall; I always seem to get behind.

“So…” I skipped forward until I was walking alongside Peter. I swear to God, if he leaves me for another second, I might as well get kidnapped, and he won’t even notice. “Lunch, tomorrow?”

“Yeah. The usual place.” He didn’t even look me straight in the eye.

“Got it.”

The loud breeze made it seem that the town was whispering us secrets, or maybe warnings. But Peter didn’t take it seriously; he walked even further from me.

He finally stopped, and he went quiet for a moment. “Text me when you get back.”

Huh? “We live one block away.”

“Doesn’t hurt,” he said. “And thanks for coming along.”

 

˖  ݁𖥔.☁︎.𖥔 ݁ ˖

 

Icky petey

 

Today

Home already

Delivered

Beat you to it

Delivered

 

˖  ݁𖥔.☁︎.𖥔 ݁ ˖

 

Icky petey

 

Yesterday

Home already

Delivered

Beat you to it

Delivered

 

Today

 

Pete? 

Delivered

If you’re not gonna text back in the next 10 minutes, i’m gonna go get brunch with Mrs. Grossman and her friends 

Delivered

 

“What the fuck?” I mumbled, rubbing the exhaustion out of my eyes as I attempted to sit up.

It was already late in the afternoon, judging by how the sun was judging me through my open windows. Although the UV ray kills, the cold breeze also seems to penetrate through my body as well. What a time to be alive… And awake.

“Asshole,” I mumbled again, clicking the CALL icon beside Peter’s name.

.

.

.

Not even ringing?

 

Again, to read the finished chapter, check the link I have attached in the beginning.

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Hembusan Angin Berbicara

Look, I’m proud of the imagery I’m presenting and the tone that speaks out… But I’ll say that it’s a tad bit dramatic. Of course, I wrote this in high school (as always), so you can see where the dramatization comes from (because I barely knew shit about poems that day. Well, not like I’m suddenly an expert now, anyway). Come to think of it, I could’ve done more with the first stanza because it seemed too… General and simple. Also, the feature of red string is here too!

 

Hembusan Angin Berbicara

Hembusan angin mengirim pesan untukmu

Ia terbang menghampirimu

Berlomba di antara para burung

Berdansa ria mendekatimu

Datanglah ia hendak menerpa wajahmu

 

Tetapi kamu hantu

Hembusan angin tembus melaluimu

Walaupun kamu mencoba mencari keberadaanku

 

Karena aku hanya semilir hembusan angin…

Terbang mengejar waktu

 

Kami sering bertabrakan di antara jiwa raga lain yang sibuk

Bagaikan ada benang merah yang menyatukan

Namun apakah kamu betul kiriman dari Tuhan?

Kamu saja membuatku bingung mabuk

 

Karena aku hanya semilir hembusan angin

Bepergian kesana kemari demi melewatimu

Tetapi saying kamu tak mampu menyaksikan sosok diriku

Walaupun aku di sana, tidak tahu lagi harus bagaimana…

 

Hembusan angin berbicara.

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Benang Merah

I don’t know why I always have this weird fascination with red strings whenever I would talk about love. Yes, the myth is famous itself, but I would find myself putting benang merah or red string into most of my “love” poems. In this case, this poem is the first to feature “red string” itself.

 

BENANG MERAH

Kapan kami bisa bertemu di tengah benang merah yang menyatukan kami jadi satu?

Atau apakah aku tersesat di ujung benang merah dari kisah kami yang menemukanku ke jalan buntu?

 

Doa yang aku siasati,

Yang lama terpendam dan tersembunyi dalam lubuk hati,

Merayap keluar dari tempatnya berdiam diri…

Tertutupi.

 

Doa itu menyebut namamu

Saking lamanya menunggu sampai dunia menuntutku untuk menyerah

Namun aku tak pernah berhenti berharap akan awal kisah kami yang berawal dari seuntai benang merah

 

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Lika Liku Luka

I recently wrote this a few months ago because of the fun alliteration, but to say I was proud of the finished product? Not really. I put too many expressions without adding images and visuals, which results in a weak tone, despite the strong adjectives I use in this so-called “poem”. Here goes.

 

Lika-liku luka

Lika-liku

Luka-luka

Hanyut dalam darahmu

Siapa sangka

 

Begitu langka

menyaksikan

Wajahmu yang murka

Tenggelam dalam duka

 

Teka-teki

Membuatku dengki

Hati telah mati

Kalbu terkubur dalam abu

 

Sana. Pergi

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Netra Karamel

Wrote this in high school. I asked my friend to give me 5 random words for me to work into a poem, because I had a bit of writer’s block that week. Safe to say I was kinda proud of it. It’s no revolutionary poem, for sure, it’s not even Sapardi Djoko Damono’s level, even though I strive to be there. At the end of the day, it’s a fun poem to write.

 

NETRA KARAMEL

Matamu memikatku

Di bawah cakrawala aku membeku

Meskipun senja hangat membalur kedua siluet kami bagai madu

 

Kupandang terus engkau dari jauh

Sepasang netramu yang berbau karamel tak kunjung riuh

Justru jatuh terjebak bagai sauh di ujung laut

Bahkan sebuah binar pun tak tertemu

Hanya goresan masa lalu yang tampak dalam sepasang netra karamelmu itu

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SPARKED

I truly had high hopes for this. This poem was meant to be longer and “deeper”, but my brain just couldn’t produce more content. I want this to be a journey of a girl discovering fire that eventually backfires. Initially, I wanted this to be a short story too. The way I remembered it, I had the line of “It burned the grass and the leaves, then reached my heart as it flamed,” to be the ending, but I didn’t give it enough time to produce it. Yes, I was running out of time because I’m submitting this for a magazine. Got rejected as always, and I’m okay with that, but the issue I regret most is that I should’ve worked on this more and put more thought into it.

 

SPARKED

 

Fire

Dancing in air

Illuminates the sky

With that spark of flair

You light me up high

 

Blaze

Taking up space

Too great to conquer

Should I be grateful-

For a forest to brace this much grace?

 

Inferno

It sparked out. And my name, it claimed

It burned the grass and the leaves,

Then reached my heart as it flamed.

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DEVOTED DEVOTEE

Yes, this is the developed version of a “recycled” poem. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read the “backstory” behind Belladonna Lips.

 

DEVOTED DEVOTEE

your eyes

i caught them smiling

and your lips

invited me to silence

your fingers

tracing the strings of my heart

you’re upon me

 

i’m walking

and walking

and walking

my steps

taking me into the abyss

treading in blind

with you leading 

on my wrists, a bind

 

you see

the presence of a devotee

now lost in reverie

locked free

 

i’m chained tight

forever trapped in midnight

wailing prayers with all its might

blinded by moonlight

and numbed from frights

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EAT PART OF ME

Cannibalism as a metaphor for love never bored me. But with this particular poem, cannibalism is more of a concept, because… You can’t eat a soul, right?

The reason I post this as an image is that I can’t format it the way that I want in this WordPress blog. I can’t tab. But why does the formatting matter so much, anyway?

You go down the steps, falling down, tumbling down, following the voice… That’s the premise of this poem.

I submitted this for a Literary Magazine, but they rejected it. I was a bit salty at first because their theme aligns perfectly with what this poem is, at least that’s what I thought, but I managed to keep my peace of mind. I will be waiting until a Literary Magazine opens submissions with the perfect theme that suits this poem.

Enjoy the bullshit below.

 

EAT PART OF ME

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Belladonna Lips

BELLADONNA LIPS

a tinge of dust that shined

swimming under your spell

beyond your bitter mind–

i dwell

 

a touch so tender it kills

as we lay by the night’s chill

feeling the spirited thrill–

i’m ill

 

your poisonous lips

spoiled honey drips

forbidden words slips

my hurt heart dips

 

picking the shards

from your rose

fine–

i’ll play the cards

so don’t doze

 

my eyes won’t catch your dust of poison again

i won’t drift under your control,

walk behind the message you send

 

remember when you kissed me?

i’ll spread crushed belladonna on my lips

next time you see me

 

Published in Vellichor Literary for the anthology Issue Demeter’s Garden

 

All right, this one has a long story behind it!

Small fun fact: this poem actually comes from an excerpt of ANOTHER drafted poem I wrote in my notebook the beginning of my University’s orientation. The excerpt is the third stanza. I remember writing the first and second stanza, feeling like something was missing out… Then I took a quick scroll through my notebook to find that perfect stanza that can align well. (Oh my God, how many times did I mention stanza just now?) Continuing it, though? I was left stuck again. I didn’t know where to continue. All I knew was the initial premise was how the lover of this persona is toxic… Then came up Belladonna as the imagery and visual. Yet, I didn’t know how to end it! I left it marinating in my Google Docs until, out of nowhere, my professor texted me that a Literary Magazine was opening for submission. (This is also how I got into the Lit Mag rabbit hole, btw, so shoutout to my professor.) After looking deep into it, I found out that four major Literary Magazines are collaborating to publish an anthology Issue, each magazine with its respective themes! It definitely caught my eye, and Vellichor’s theme struck me the most since their theme is literally Belladonna. I told my professor that I’m going to submit for Vellichor, and started continuing where I left off.

Right… How do I end this?

You might notice that the last two stanzas feel off… That’s because it’s longer and more packed than the previous four ones. I admit, I was in a rush and I wrote what immediately came to mind, didn’t put much thought into them. Then I submitted.

It was a long wait. A month pass by, and at this point, I already let go and stop having high hopes. Maybe I was right, the last two stanzas should be more polished and powerful, or maybe the voice or the tone wasn’t what they’re looking for. It came at one point where my student study program is holding Poetry Appreciation day, and I decided to just use this godforsaken poem to submit. But I changed up the last three stanza into two shorter ones… Which you can now look in DEVOTED DEVOTEE! 😉 So, yes, I recycled Belladonna Lips so it can work for this particular submission, since I didn’t want the poem to be the same. Kept the first three stanzas, then changed the last three ones and retitled it into Devoted Devotee. Sadly, you can’t look it up anymore since I told the admin to delete that specific poem from the slide of the Instagram post… We’ll get to that later.

Another few months pass by, lo’ and behold, waking up early on 13 of March, I received a notification from my email.

This was HUGE news since I just won a short story competition the day before. In my head, I kept repeating, “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?” Because it truly felt magical. I never heard from them, then suddenly you receive this acceptance Email out of nowhere? But it’s not like I’m complaining. 🙂

After receiving this great news, I told that same professor that I got in, and asked for his opinion if I should take down the recycled poem in the student’s study program. He said it was better to do so, because I barely know anything about recycling poem (he’s not wrong) and that it’s more important to prioritize the officially published piece. I contacted the admin and asked her to delete the slide… And what’s left is now the poems of other students, and also some from mine. You can look it up here.

That’s that not-so-little introduction or so-called backstory of this poem, and I hope I didn’t raise your expectation too much because I still lowkey hate this poem LOL.

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Red String

This is what comes up during a boring class… Or no-class since the teacher isn’t there. I don’t remember much about how this poem came to be, yet all I know is that the words seem to flow out on their own. So, despite the very noticeable short length of this one-stanza verse, it came out decently.

 

RED STRING

Red string

Left me sting

Around my skin

Couldn’t feel a thing

Blood spills thin

My head spins

The devil wins

No more sins

Originally written in April 20, 2024

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